That Day

It was an average aussie Saturday really, it was bright and sunny, but
chilly outside anyway. What can I say? Melbourne Weather!!! I was supposed
to meet Andrew at 1 at a little cafe near the town shopping centre.

We met up and spoke as usual, we spoke about the usual things. School,
wants, needs, everything we must of been there for hours. At least 5 or 6
latte's later, my poor caffeine filled system, had had enough. So, I said
lets go into the shops and we did so. This was a usual Saturday thing, we
really didn't want our parents to get suspicious of our hidden gay relationship
so we always met somewhere not so close to home. The town shopping centre
was close, but not all that close. Anyway, this Saturday was normal.

During that week, Andrew's attitude changed, we'd been together for over 6
months, and we've never had a real big fight. This one was bad, I didn't
like his attitude something was up. He didn't want to meet me on the
Saturday so I made some new plans that didn't even go ahead anyway. I wanted
to see Andrew more than anything he was like the only thing that meant
something to me. He was my pride and joy, he was my baby. Mine, I don't own
him nor control him, but he was mine nonetheless, my boyfriend. That smile
was my treasure, his laugh was even better. My God I could of sweared this
was love, it could of been... Our 6 month relationship was to be 7 months on
the Saturday he refused to meet me, I wanted to know why but he didn't give
me any other excuse but the really lame one, "I just can't be bothered."
You'd think he'd be bothered for a 7 month anniversary. Where I'm from,
thats an effort. And monthly anniversaries are celebrated.

"Hello," the familar voice of his mum, I never really liked her. Full of
lies, I think she suspected our relatiionship.
"Uh yeah, is Andrew there please?" I asked.
"Yes, but don't talk for too long he's got better things to do." Did I
mention she was a mean old witch?
"Hello?"
"Andy baby, how are ya?" I asked.
"I'm alright, she's in a mood again. I told her..." He said, before i
interrupted him.
"What? Serious? What did she say?" I asked.
"She said i was a devil child and I'm going to hell. I need to repent, and
see the light. Like i believe all that crap anyway." He said.
"A little too harsh..." I replied. He sounded depressed and I wanted to
comfort him but of course he didn't want to meet up I don't know why. He said he had to go and meet someone to get something.
I didn't think anything of that til now.

The sirens were heard from miles away, you could hear it at my place.
The call came at 7:00pm September 8th, I made mum take me down.
What could I do?
I was angry, upset, and surprised. How and what happened?
How did I let it happen?
At 10:30pm the witch said it wasn't worth it...all in the one day. She was
a doctor and knew quite a bit but there could of been a chance, and she was
only allowed to make that early decision because of her career status and
so-called knowledge. He was gone, I was shocked. I went home and layed down
and began questioning myself...where was the note? Was this his intention?
Was he trying?

The following day I rang his mum, and asked pretty much the same
questions. I asked if he left a note, or something. She didn't even seem
upset her reply was simple, "Yeah he left a note. Blamed most of it on me,
as usual always my fault. Stupid devil." I yelled at her for 5 minutes
straight before I hung up the phone.
He did leave a note, and if it wasn't for his father I wouldn't know the last bit...
it wasn't in english, nor italian... but french. His french was never
perfect but I knew what he meant nonetheless, and it was directed at me.
Je vous aimerai pour toujours. Veuillez me pardonner.
That says I will love you for always. Please forgive me.

His mum told me he was using heroin for a long time before we became an
item, I didn't notice a thing. No marks, no weird acting. His attitude only
began to change in that last week where his mum was told and so was his dad.
His dad was proud, his mum was full of hatred. It's expected to be the other
way around at times but his dad was so open minded and without him I
wouldn't of been at the funereal.

Only a couple of days later did the terrorist attacks on America happened.
I was in so much shock and grief that I couldn't possibly feel more. My
heart was broken in more then 2 places. Friends and some distant family were
involved, and Andrew. Then came the 5 funerals. Andrew's was first, and then
the friends and family from the terrorist attacks months and months later.
At this I was depressed and becoming suicidal, everything was going down
my mother began to fall sick with Graves Disease, my dads work was close to
declining. Money was tight, mum was sick and school sucked. Things just got
worse and worse and then I cracked.
I cried, I yelled, I broke things, I tortured others, I couldn't help it.
Everything went down so fast, I had to do something. I became so sick of
everything, everything annoyed me, everyone annoyed me. I was losing friends
so fast...
Then came a part of my life I will never relive*, it consisted of being
tortured emotionally. But it made me better within 3 months and it made me
realise so many things. But it's helped make me who I am now...

I love you Andrew...for always...I forgive you.